I remember an occasion in my early twenties when I went out driving one night when I should have remained at home. It was a cold January night, and it had been snowing for several hours. Warnings to stay inside were being broadcast on the television and radio because the roads were getting worse by the minute. But I wanted to pick up something at the store, so I decided I was not going to let a little inclement weather stop me. It turned out to be a very poor decision.
The streets were not what I would call "bad." They were what I would call "treacherous." When you stepped on the brakes, it was like trying to stop a car on an ice skating rink. There were cars off the side of the road and some had slid into ditches. I got about half way to the store before I realized that it was much worse than I had imagined, and so I turned around and headed for home. It wasn't long before I slid into a curb and my tires started spinning. I couldn't back up and get going again. It looked like I might not be able to get the car unstuck and I was afraid someone else might come barreling into me. I got that awful panicky feeling that people get when it appears that something awful is going to happen. And so I started praying, "God, if you'll get me out of this storm safely, I promise not to drive into something like this ever again."
Have you ever been in a situation where you attempted to strike a bargain with God?
"God, if you'll just let me get this new job, I'll increase my giving to the church."
"If you'll let me not be pregnant, I'll not get myself in this predicament again."
"If my loved one can survive this emergency, I'll be in church every Sunday."
How many times have you attempted to play "Let's Make a Deal" with God? "God, if you'll do this, then I'll do this."
It's a pretty old game. It's been around for at least 4,000 years. Abraham, the one through whom the nations of the world are blessed, has one of his attempts at bargaining with God recorded in Scripture. You may remember the story where God is planning to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because sin and evil are so widespread, and Abraham tries to finagle a deal with God not to destroy the people if Abraham can turn up a few righteous individuals.
I guess that for as long as human beings have been in existence, people have tried to work out deals with God. But I'm pretty skeptical about God's involvement in the game. I think too many people believe that they can live in whatever manner they wish, and then when they find themselves in trouble, whistle for God to snatch them out of their predicament. But I don't believe God is like the parent of a three year-old, standing in the shadows, prepared to swoop in and prevent a disaster when the child engages in risky behavior. There are consequences to the way we act, and sometimes they are quite costly.
And of course it's not only what we do that lands us in some of our predicaments. What other people do can also have a devastating impact on our lives. If our spouse begins drinking heavily, or our teenager becomes pregnant, or our boss starts making unreasonable demands, or our aged parent starts losing her mind, we can find ourselves in a dreadful situation. At times like these, when we're feeling desperate, I'm sure it's natural for us to try to bargain with God. But it will not help very much.
We live in a world where people have the freedom to make many decisions about their lives, but there are consequences to the choices we make. And when people choose poorly it can wreak havoc in our lives. In addition, we live in a world where there are illnesses and accidents and natural disasters; and these things can also bring suffering to our lives.
What do we do, when we find ourselves in a bad situation? If making a deal with God won't work, what will work? I'd like to suggest three things which might give us some relief.
First, we need to have faith that God is at work opening doors for us. This morning's passage from Paul's Letter to the Romans speaks of the importance of faith. Paul uses Abraham, the father of all Jews and Christians, as an example of a faithful follower of God. We remember that Abraham and Sarah had hoped for a child, but as the years went by and Sarah never became pregnant, the dream began to fade. But Paul tells us that Abraham never lost hope because he believed in the God "who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist." (Rom 4:17).
The story of Abraham and Sarah is a story of hope. Even though they were well past the child-bearing years, Sarah conceived and they had a son. And that was the beginning of the nation of Israel. Their story serves as an example for us. When we feel that our situation is as good as dead, we are to hold onto the faith that God can breath new life into it. God can still open a door, even when it seems that every passageway has been closed to us.
When a marriage has fallen apart and life is filled with pain and darkness, we must have faith that God will show us a new path. When a loved one dies and the future we had imagined is snuffed out, we must have faith that life is not over and that there are still good things to come. When life is caving in on us, and we cannot imagine a future that holds anything but darkness, we must believe that God can open a new door. I have experienced it in my own life, and I have seen it happen in many other people's lives. God can open new doors even when cannot the imagine the possibility.
Second, we need to remember which things are most important. When life is not going the way we had hoped, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture and to get dragged down by the minor problems of life. It's critical for us not to let the small things overshadow what is genuinely important.
A few years ago there was a story in the newspaper about a bride and groom whose wedding did not go exactly as planned. The first mishap was that the invitations, which had already been sent out, had the wrong date on them. Then, the bride's veil was misplaced and never found. The weather the day of the wedding - which was planned to be outside - was pouring down rain. The minister officiating the service, showed up late. And finally the filet mignon, which was to be the main course at the reception, had been refrigerated in the kitchen of a nearby retirement home. The morning of the wedding it was consumed by the elderly residents. If you can't take some things in stride, if you can't laugh about them later, then life is going to be a constant struggle. Life is messy, and problems crop up all the time. Fortunately the couple whose wedding seemed to be going haywire, knew that all those things were not what was really important about their wedding day. They knew that what was truly significant, was the commitment they made to God and to one another. And so today, they remember their wedding day as a time with a few funny moments, and the joyous occasion that brought them together. It's important for all of us to be able to distinguish between what matters and what doesn't matter in the long run.
Third, we need to be open to solutions other than the one we're counting on. This is a hard one to put into practice, but sometimes it is the key to overcoming our difficulty. When people come to me for counseling and they share the difficulty they are having, some times it becomes apparent that the reason they continue to be frustrated, is because they are looking for one specific remedy to their problem and they will not consider any other possibilities. They do not experience healing in their lives because they have already written out the prescription and they are waiting for God to fill it precisely as they have written it. They want relief from their pain, but they will only accept the relief if it comes according to their design.
At times, I make people mad when I suggest to them that their healing may result from something very different than what they're holding out for. The door that they are hoping will open, may not ever open. They may be required to accept that fact and then to take an entirely new approach. Often they do not want to hear that they must risk living life in new ways, but sometimes, that is the only possibility for them to overcome their difficulty.
When life is difficult for us, and our bargaining with God is getting us nowhere, there are some things we need to do. First, we need to have faith that God is at work opening doors for us. Second, we need to remember which things are genuinely important and not get dragged down with the small problems. And third, we need to be open to solutions other than the one we have been counting on.
God can bring life to seemingly dead situations. Even when there appears to be no way, God can still help us find a way.
© 1999 Dr. Gregory Knox Jones, all rights reserved
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